Off to the WIllow Creek Arts Conference

My day in the office was tough on Tuesday. Last year's conference was so wonderful and so impacting that I wanted to jump on the flight at noon just so I could get to South Barrington. But somehow in my excitement I forgot rule number one: "Nothing of value comes easily."

I did in fact leave early just to make sure there was ample time for whatever things can go wrong when you're flying. We got there a couple of hours before the flight was to leave. There wasn't a long line at the security check point. Everything was going to go very smoothly and with little stress.

I walked through the metal detector. No problem. I went to the end of the carry-on retrieval line. Uh-oh. The big butch looking lady is scowling. No offense. I'm sure she's very nice. When she's at home playing with her children or something. Right now, though, she's mad. Just let me get my stuff and go. Where is it? My trays haven't come out yet. Oh no.

"Did somebody leave a laptop in their bag?"

Yes, that would be me. How was I know that the principle strategy of terrorists was to hide their laptops in their backpack? I didn't know that there was a new rule that laptops had to be placed in a separate tray.

"Sir, we're going to have to pat you down. Please step to the side."

What? Pat me down? I don't think so.

But it turns out that Bertha's job was done. Her job is just to call out the violators - the potential terrorists. It's Sargent Sumo's job to do the extensive search.

It really wasn't so bad. After all, I had set aside plenty of margin time to allow for unforeseen problems. We went in to a Plexiglas room where all the other travelers could see my bag being ransacked and me being searched. Mothers hid their children from my view as they went by, but it really wasn't so horrible. And my bag now has a clean, fresh pine scent.

So on we went to the waiting area. And wait we did. For 45 minutes or so. I was intent on my book on Emergent Worship when there was an announcement on the intercom system. I thought I heard the word "Jones" in there somewhere, but I ignored it. A minute or two later, I heard it again. My wife said, "Did they just call us up to the counter?"

"Of course not, dear. There must be a hundred Joneses in here."


I don't think there were even a hundred PEOPLE in there. We were, after all in the Richmond Airport. But she insisted. And about that time Matt McGhan popped up.


"Hey - did they just call us to the counter?"


"What?" I said. "They said 'Jones'. There's got to be a hundred Joneses in here."


"No, they said 'Passengers Jones and McGhan, please report to the US Air ticket counter."


Then my phone rang. Anthony. "Hey - the reason they're calling you is because we got you moved to another flight. I got you on a direct flight, so you'll have an extra hour in Chicago tonight. Aren't you happy? You'll have to come to the front ticket counter."


"You mean the front of the airport? Past Bertha? No way. I'll take the layover in Philadelphia."


"You'll have to come back up here to the front counter."


There's got to be another way. So I went to talk to the lady at the ticket counter for my flight. "They just paged me up to the front. Do you know what that was about?"


"Um, no." She said. "Let me call and see." She picks up her phone. "Looks like you've been moved to another airline. You'll have to go back up front."


"Past Bertha," I said.


"Who's Bertha?" She said.


But her smirk told me that she knew exactly what I was talking about.


Back up to the front. There's Tori and Anthony. They've already gotten our tickets. Anthony had us moved over to the other flight. I guess it would be good to get there earlier and not have to have the layover in Philly. The attendants were going right then to get our luggage. They'll be back in a minute.


No they weren't.


I don't know how long it was, but it felt like an hour. We stood up there at the front desk, not knowing if they had forgotten about us or not. We asked "How long is it going to take?"


"They're trying to get it for you now."


No they weren't.


Ten minutes later she walked out to go get the luggage. Ten more minutes later we had it in our hands. Then we had to stand in line at the United Airlines line to check our bags. Again.


Off we went to go back to the concourses again. Oops. There's security. But now I knew better. I took my laptop out and put it in a grey plastic bin all by itself.


**Ding**.


"You and your travel companions have been selected for additional screening."


It appears that another thing terrorists do is to change airlines at the last minute. Bertha seemed to have an accomplished look on her face.


After it was all said and done, we finally got to our seats. The flight was delayed. It seemed we were going to have to wait after all.


So wait we did. It was a good time, really. Here are some pictures of Tori and Matt. Matt looked like this pretty much the whole week.



Tori looks relaxed, but I think she was just posing for the picture. Me on the other hand? After the trama I had endured I needed some gummy bears. Since I had plenty of time to burn now, I bought some from the store in the airport.


Really? $35 for a little bag of gummy bears? OK. Sounds reasonable to me.


These were interesting gummies. We called them "Gangsta gummies". They were all deformed and had holes in them. Still worth it, though.